We live in an age where people in the modern world have many choices. What to have for breakfast, what to wear- what career to choose, what car to drive, where to go on vacation. #firstworldproblems are every day occurrences. What was once a community of people connected to each other by bonds stronger than wifi, has become one of the most plugged-in and tuned-out communities in the world. Chances are, if you're reading this off a computer or smart phone you know what I'm talking about.
In a culture fueled by entertainment, life isn't so much all about what your father or great grandfather did- the farm you will inherit, the company you will have to run someday, the person you'll have to marry- it's all up to us. What used to be choices made out of necessity are now choices made out of convenience.
I know I talk a lot about staying home with your children during their fundamental years. With all the mommy wars out there, I don't even try to argue 'sides' to anything I do or don't agree with. One thing is irrefutable however, the influence a mother or father can have on a young life- on that child's security and attachment. These are physiological reasons as well as psychological ones. In a world of 'NOW NOW NOW' it's no wonder so little attention is placed upon the people in this world who seem to offer US so little. The elderly, the children. The forgotten margins of society.
It strikes me as odd that people who will spend years and thousands of dollars on a child- fertility treatments or international adoptions even- will have no qualms about handing that precious life over to a total stranger. To mold, to raise. "Be sure to teach Susie how to be kind, how to be patient and how to care for others...... Okay, well- I'm off for the day. See you in about ten hours." Every day of the week?
The elderly are our past and we can learn so much from them- our children are our future- the ones who will be carrying on after we are long gone. And yet so many people are willing to out-source their care out of.... convenience?
Yesterday a working mom I am friends with-working by choice- same kid who got mauled by another child at daycare- she told me the same thing she's mentioned before. "Stay at home moms like you are my heroes." Why? I ask... The answer- her words not mine- "It's exhausting. I don't know how you do it. I'd go crazy if I had to take care of my kid every day, all day."
My heart hurts for this little girl whose mother has no idea what she's doing. Bragging about how the daycare workers do this or do that and it's sooo good for her- and yet.... I can't help but think, feel and know that she is missing out on being a mother. Her experience and bond with her daughter will be different from my bond with my son- granted- because they are different people- but how will this little girl react when she hits her tween stage or teenage years and realizes her mother is a person she barely knows?
I know what I'm saying isn't popular- but there it is. It's their choice. It's their life. It's their child. And yet the other side needs to be talked about. Apparently it's taboo these days to suggest anything that might offend someone else. Isn't it common knowledge that most children can benefit greatly by having structure in their life? Not constantly changing caregivers? Since when does being an adult and being a parent revolve around what you do or don't FEEL like doing? Do they realize how selfish this sounds?
I can't imagine turning to my son and telling him in 10-15 odd years- that I let someone else raise him because I didn't FEEL like the work or the sacrifice it took to stay home and be a full time mom.
No comments:
Post a Comment