Ouch. Ok this post is a toughie for me. It speaks to me as much as it speaks to any of you as readers. I think at some point, everyone reaches that brick wall in life where you're attained what you've hoped you would. The job, the marriage, the family..... you know, those long-term goals you grew up wanting to have one day. When you're starting out, it's exciting and new- over the past five years I've experienced just that. My life was taking off, I was graduating at the top of the dean's list and had such big plans. I went to international auditions and callbacks with the top directors and casting agencies in the nation. Life was exciting, it was crazy and a little bit overwhelming. I was on fire.
Then I decided to take a break from all that, I wanted to have a family and knew I could go back to work in the future- but now- I wanted to be a mom. I wanted to take these early years and slow down and enjoy them with my family.
It's hard giving up goals and dreams. Not forever- just temporarily. I have no regrets.
But I do realize, and I'd be a fool NOT to realize, that once you 'get there' to what you want in life, life just seems to drag. And ultimately, you find yourself asking- "Is that all there is?" And that nasty monster of insecurity and 'what-if' comes creeping up on you and before you know it you're malcontent and gloomy on the outlook of life that once seemed so captivating. The rain pours down and you see your dream as the reality it is now. The dirty diapers, the lack of outside contact with other adults, the quiet.
I'm a depressed person- always have been and probably always will be. I had/have post partum depression right now. But you know what I've found to be true? It doesn't HAVE to be this bad. I'm making it dreary, I'm dragging myself down into the 'woe is me' part of life because things happen to be boring right now. I'm creating my own little bubble of sorrows and sighs.
Well, enough is enough. Depression isn't avoidable- but why add fuel to the fire of what's already right there? It makes no sense! And so- here are a few things I've done personally to help get over myself and my insecurity in the boring-ness of life as I know it.
1- be thankful. Sounds simple- but really- remind yourself every day of the great treasures you DO have in your life. People, things, a warm place to call home. Being alive.
2- surround yourself with the positive- listen to music you like, books or radio programs that are uplifting to you and your spirit. Cut out the negative energy from people around you that might be pulling you deeper into anxiety or depression. And for God's sake don't stalk people on social media only to be unsatisfied with your life the way it is now!!! Don't compare your every day normal to their 'highlights' chances are, they're only showing what's good and not the bad. If they're showing you the bad, too- then they're probably gloomy gussies and need to get the boot!
3-enjoy the little things. A candy bar, a walk outside, sitting in the sun, going swimming, a warm blanket and hot cup of your favorite drink in the evening. A cuddle with someone you love.
4-avoid the mentality that life is always up ahead. True. It may be different in the future, it may be easier. But life- YOUR life- is happening all around you every moment. You can't plan for 'quality time', you need to make time for any quality time to happen because it happens on its own at any given moment. Learn to slow down. Learn to enjoy today- not always be looking towards tomorrow. That's the easiest way to take your life for granted and end up with nothing in the end. Life isn't up ahead- it's now.
5- there is a balance to introspection- and also looking outward. You need to love yourself to love others. It's ok to 'work' on yourself but don't make that a priority. Also- don't make others such a priority that you forget to take care of yourself! There needs to be a balance there.
I'm sure there's more I could add, but this alone has helped me be more thankful for the time I have every day. When life is less than thrilling. It doesn't have to be exciting to be fabulous.
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