Sorry if this post is disjointed.
Lately my work from home business has taken off- yay?- leaving me more exhausted than ever. It's just me and my kitchen and sewing machine. All night. Every night. All weekend. Every weekend. It's the only time I have to 'work' after my already full-time job of being a stay at home mom. Why?
Well- DH's job isn't paying enough to keep us fed on top of the medical bills we incurred from having a complicated pregnancy and delivery with our LO. So. I work.
It's humiliating to admit this to anyone- no one really understands. I work so my son has food. I work so I can eat once in a while. We only have one car so it's frequent that I stay at home for days on end with no escape like 'normal' people might.
Still dealing with post partum depression and anxiety. But all that is just pushed to the side. We can't afford therapists- those are for rich people. Sadly. Now I understand why so many poorer communities struggle with mental health issues. Getting therapy and counseling is a first world problem. There are so many who cannot get the medications they need to maintain the jobs they need to survive- simply because they don't have the money nor transportation to get to a doctor or to pay for a prescription for something necessary. Mental health is NOT a prominent issue when you're broke. Living is. Eating enough to avoid the doctor's office is.
Ever since I've been that poor, I'll never think the same way again. If I ever get rich someday I'll be a millionaire who drives an old car and lives in a tiny house because I want to give back what I can to families in need.
I guess I'm blessed to have the time, energy (kinda) and resources to maintain my own business as a way of helping us out. I am thankful. Truly. But sometimes it just overwhelms me and embitters my soul watching the ease at which others can afford to do things I can only dream of. I'm not lazy, I work my butt off and so does my husband. It hurts so much that there are some out there that think wealth really comes from hard work.
Anyway, that was a rabbit trail. It will get better. It will. Someday. But right now it's g-damn hard.
Monday, February 24, 2014
Friday, February 21, 2014
Grace's dictionary for modern parenting
- I am including myself in this lot! Recently, I've noticed a lot of new language coming out when some people talk of their own children or children they know. The words 'brats' and 'twirps' aren't used nearly as much as other, more self-assuring words today. Here are a few examples and what I think of when I hear them:
My son/daughter is so sassy.
Sassy. The s-word. While some adults may find it cute for a child to be 'assertive' in reality this means more often than not that the child is a tiny asshole. A right brat who would have been called such ten years ago, but not today. Sassy usually means the child who will backtalk adults with grown-up language and those who show no respect for their elders or call adults by their first name (am I the only one annoyed by this?)
Assertive. When I hear this, I've begun to assume this means the child has no problem smacking toys out of other children's hands or using bullying language on weaker children to get what they want when they want it. They might also try the same tactics with adults. Assertive should be a good word to use- a lot of the times it just means a bully.
Independent. Refuse to listen to authority and will test a new person in charge at every turn.
These should be good words, but they're not. In addition, I'll add some 'bad' words I hear thrown out about some kids who just need TLC.
Spoiled. Really? Is your baby really spoiled? Or just not getting the attention they need? It's a far cry from the spoiled child wanting a goose to lay golden eggs for her vs. the baby who just wants mama.
ADD- ADHD- bored/hyperactive. I know ADD and ADHD are very real things, but more often than not some people will tell you that about their child when they have not been diagnosed. As if that itself described the child. Honestly, this sucks. Some kids are just easily bored because they need stimulation they are not getting. Maybe they want attention instead of being home where screens are on all day and then they are expected to settle down quietly into bed when they have not had the one-on-one time they desperately need.
These are just some observations I've made and they do not apply to everyone. I have noticed the disturbing trend where parents appear to be no longer parents and guides- but naturalists observing monkeys in their natural habitat with clipboards marking down their behavior from a distance and talking to other scientists about their 'findings' lol. See what I mean? I guess that's what happens when my generations, latch-key-kids, have children of their own. The young parents of the 2010's have drastically different examples of parenting than the generations before us. Most just go with the flow.
My son/daughter is so sassy.
Sassy. The s-word. While some adults may find it cute for a child to be 'assertive' in reality this means more often than not that the child is a tiny asshole. A right brat who would have been called such ten years ago, but not today. Sassy usually means the child who will backtalk adults with grown-up language and those who show no respect for their elders or call adults by their first name (am I the only one annoyed by this?)
Assertive. When I hear this, I've begun to assume this means the child has no problem smacking toys out of other children's hands or using bullying language on weaker children to get what they want when they want it. They might also try the same tactics with adults. Assertive should be a good word to use- a lot of the times it just means a bully.
Independent. Refuse to listen to authority and will test a new person in charge at every turn.
These should be good words, but they're not. In addition, I'll add some 'bad' words I hear thrown out about some kids who just need TLC.
Spoiled. Really? Is your baby really spoiled? Or just not getting the attention they need? It's a far cry from the spoiled child wanting a goose to lay golden eggs for her vs. the baby who just wants mama.
ADD- ADHD- bored/hyperactive. I know ADD and ADHD are very real things, but more often than not some people will tell you that about their child when they have not been diagnosed. As if that itself described the child. Honestly, this sucks. Some kids are just easily bored because they need stimulation they are not getting. Maybe they want attention instead of being home where screens are on all day and then they are expected to settle down quietly into bed when they have not had the one-on-one time they desperately need.
These are just some observations I've made and they do not apply to everyone. I have noticed the disturbing trend where parents appear to be no longer parents and guides- but naturalists observing monkeys in their natural habitat with clipboards marking down their behavior from a distance and talking to other scientists about their 'findings' lol. See what I mean? I guess that's what happens when my generations, latch-key-kids, have children of their own. The young parents of the 2010's have drastically different examples of parenting than the generations before us. Most just go with the flow.
Friday, February 14, 2014
All the things I've never do as a mom
I think every parent or prospective parent has this list- of things they'll never repeat that their parents did to them. I've decided to share mine. There are a lot of things I don't agree with in how my parents raised me, I think my biggest fear as a mom wasn't in having an actual kid of my own- but being a terrible parent to that child.
Here's my list:
I WILL NEVER
-belittle their hopes or dreams with sharp words from my mouth or actions that show disapproval of who they are
-impose any religion on my child, they will be educated and have the freedom to choose what they believe in instead of being indoctrinated from infant hood to a particular religious background
-beat my child in any way, shape or form. I just don't think I have it in me, nor does my husband. I don't think we could ever use physical harm as a means of discipline.
-be so busy that I do not have time for my child. Okay- that's a tough one. If I can't drop what I'm doing to be there when my child really needs me, I'm too busy with things that shouldn't be more important.
I WILL ALWAYS
-listen to my child. A lot of abuse towards children in particular can be avoided if parents are really in-tune with what their child may be trying to tell them. In listening, I will never force him to do something he is rightfully uncomfortable to do.
-watch my language- even if I don't agree with someone I can disagree in a respectful manner. I want my child to know that just because you disagree with someone doesn't mean you have the right to treat them in a way they should not be treated.
-know when to handle matters in private. I hated hearing/watching my parents argue. Violently. I don't want my son to grow up with that.
-be my child's mother, and eventually shift into the role of friend. I will not be his friend from birth- nor will I be his mommy dearest he can come running back to as a child when he's a grown man. I will know my boundaries and I will not overstep them.
-respect my child's decision to be different from me. Lord knows I'm full aware constant battering and disagreements usually end in no contact ;) - I will NOT be my in laws. This one is hard as a parent- I never want my son to move halfway across the globe from me, but if he does I will have to be ok with it.
Do you have a list? If so- what's on it? Feel free to share, I'm always adding things to mine!
Here's my list:
I WILL NEVER
-belittle their hopes or dreams with sharp words from my mouth or actions that show disapproval of who they are
-impose any religion on my child, they will be educated and have the freedom to choose what they believe in instead of being indoctrinated from infant hood to a particular religious background
-beat my child in any way, shape or form. I just don't think I have it in me, nor does my husband. I don't think we could ever use physical harm as a means of discipline.
-be so busy that I do not have time for my child. Okay- that's a tough one. If I can't drop what I'm doing to be there when my child really needs me, I'm too busy with things that shouldn't be more important.
I WILL ALWAYS
-listen to my child. A lot of abuse towards children in particular can be avoided if parents are really in-tune with what their child may be trying to tell them. In listening, I will never force him to do something he is rightfully uncomfortable to do.
-watch my language- even if I don't agree with someone I can disagree in a respectful manner. I want my child to know that just because you disagree with someone doesn't mean you have the right to treat them in a way they should not be treated.
-know when to handle matters in private. I hated hearing/watching my parents argue. Violently. I don't want my son to grow up with that.
-be my child's mother, and eventually shift into the role of friend. I will not be his friend from birth- nor will I be his mommy dearest he can come running back to as a child when he's a grown man. I will know my boundaries and I will not overstep them.
-respect my child's decision to be different from me. Lord knows I'm full aware constant battering and disagreements usually end in no contact ;) - I will NOT be my in laws. This one is hard as a parent- I never want my son to move halfway across the globe from me, but if he does I will have to be ok with it.
Do you have a list? If so- what's on it? Feel free to share, I'm always adding things to mine!
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
That was close- I almost had to parent
No offence intended. That's honestly what I hear from people who have no idea what to do with their children.
In a culture that outsources a lot of childcare, this thinking is pretty common. At least in my town. People who get snow days all of a sudden have no idea how to be a parent to their child- because, let's face it, they haven't had to since maternity leave 5+ years ago.
It's hard for me to understand what life must be like for them. How can a person not know what to do with their own kids for a few hours while they are awake? I'm not talking about doing perfect Martha Stewart crafts with them- but like- I don't know, making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with a four year old. Playing a game with a two year old. Little things. It just blows my mind that these aren't daily occurrences in their households. Granted there are exceptions but I'm talking about the people I have heard admit they don't know how to be a parent because they're never home. How sad.
You know where I stand on staying home. I won't even go there.
I write on it so much because although it's hard, terrible and I have sooo many not-so-great moments where I am covered in someone else's body fluids- I know no one can replace my influence in my little guy's life. Yes, even wiping up vomit is a way to love on him.
In a culture that outsources a lot of childcare, this thinking is pretty common. At least in my town. People who get snow days all of a sudden have no idea how to be a parent to their child- because, let's face it, they haven't had to since maternity leave 5+ years ago.
It's hard for me to understand what life must be like for them. How can a person not know what to do with their own kids for a few hours while they are awake? I'm not talking about doing perfect Martha Stewart crafts with them- but like- I don't know, making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with a four year old. Playing a game with a two year old. Little things. It just blows my mind that these aren't daily occurrences in their households. Granted there are exceptions but I'm talking about the people I have heard admit they don't know how to be a parent because they're never home. How sad.
You know where I stand on staying home. I won't even go there.
I write on it so much because although it's hard, terrible and I have sooo many not-so-great moments where I am covered in someone else's body fluids- I know no one can replace my influence in my little guy's life. Yes, even wiping up vomit is a way to love on him.
Two weeks can change a lot of things
I haven't written because I'm pretty sad right now- I lost my cat of two years that we adopted as an adult. She died the 2nd and after having such a loyal pet by my side for so long, our house feels weird and empty without her. :(
so that's why I haven't written much- honestly life is just one big crap shoot after another to me. I'm still fighting off infections from bronchitis, one round of antibiotic wasn't enough and so my doctor wanted me to try something new- hah- ended up nearly leaving me bedridden with side effects. So now I'm back on the only medication I don't react badly to. If I ever develop an allergy to it- goodbye Gracie. :P I have no idea what I would do if I did. It's the only thing keeping me alive through all the issues I have.
My hubby has been working or at least gone FOR work for 12 hours of the day and so I am solo parenting (I'll write more of that in a specific post) it's hard. Really hard. My body aches, my head pounds, my son has taken to screaming for fun which leaves me with a migraine by 10 am that lasts until - well- it never really goes away. The physical stress of taking care of a big baby/toddler alone for 12 hrs a day is staggering. I admire single mothers. Really- they deserve a medal or something. If I had to do it for 24 hrs, day and night I would be in the madhouse before long. Thankfully it's 'only' 12 hr days with my son. But- that's a lot.
I don't have a car because we can't afford one and I'm stuck in the house with all the harsh weather we've been having. Losing my freaking mind.
We don't have family to help (see my other blog) and we don't have money for a sitter- nor do we really trust anyone who offers to help- not that anyone has even offered. I don't have friends like that. It sucks. Whenever something 'big' happens to people I know they're gone and totally thoughtless even though I try my best to keep them in the loop about my life without being a Debbie Downer.
I thought it was common courtesy to check in on a friend not doing so well. Just me? Maybe. Maybe I'm archaic and I actually expect 'friends' to be there when you need them. My best friend is a charm I hold dearly but lives so so far away, no one else I know is like that. Oh I could just cry.
If anyone needs a friend- seriously - hit me up. I'm a damn good one. I know what NOT to do.
so that's why I haven't written much- honestly life is just one big crap shoot after another to me. I'm still fighting off infections from bronchitis, one round of antibiotic wasn't enough and so my doctor wanted me to try something new- hah- ended up nearly leaving me bedridden with side effects. So now I'm back on the only medication I don't react badly to. If I ever develop an allergy to it- goodbye Gracie. :P I have no idea what I would do if I did. It's the only thing keeping me alive through all the issues I have.
My hubby has been working or at least gone FOR work for 12 hours of the day and so I am solo parenting (I'll write more of that in a specific post) it's hard. Really hard. My body aches, my head pounds, my son has taken to screaming for fun which leaves me with a migraine by 10 am that lasts until - well- it never really goes away. The physical stress of taking care of a big baby/toddler alone for 12 hrs a day is staggering. I admire single mothers. Really- they deserve a medal or something. If I had to do it for 24 hrs, day and night I would be in the madhouse before long. Thankfully it's 'only' 12 hr days with my son. But- that's a lot.
I don't have a car because we can't afford one and I'm stuck in the house with all the harsh weather we've been having. Losing my freaking mind.
We don't have family to help (see my other blog) and we don't have money for a sitter- nor do we really trust anyone who offers to help- not that anyone has even offered. I don't have friends like that. It sucks. Whenever something 'big' happens to people I know they're gone and totally thoughtless even though I try my best to keep them in the loop about my life without being a Debbie Downer.
I thought it was common courtesy to check in on a friend not doing so well. Just me? Maybe. Maybe I'm archaic and I actually expect 'friends' to be there when you need them. My best friend is a charm I hold dearly but lives so so far away, no one else I know is like that. Oh I could just cry.
If anyone needs a friend- seriously - hit me up. I'm a damn good one. I know what NOT to do.
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