Beyond stressed

Sorry if this post is disjointed.

Lately my work from home business has taken off- yay?- leaving me more exhausted than ever. It's just me and my kitchen and sewing machine. All night. Every night. All weekend. Every weekend. It's the only time I have to 'work' after my already full-time job of being a stay at home mom. Why?

Well- DH's job isn't paying enough to keep us fed on top of the medical bills we incurred from having a complicated pregnancy and delivery with our LO. So. I work.

It's humiliating to admit this to anyone- no one really understands. I work so my son has food. I work so I can eat once in a while. We only have one car so it's frequent that I stay at home for days on end with no escape like 'normal' people might.

Still dealing with post partum depression and anxiety. But all that is just pushed to the side. We can't afford therapists- those are for rich people. Sadly. Now I understand why so many poorer communities struggle with mental health issues. Getting therapy and counseling is a first world problem. There are so many who cannot get the medications they need to maintain the jobs they need to survive- simply because they don't have the money nor transportation to get to a doctor or to pay for a prescription for something necessary. Mental health is NOT a prominent issue when you're broke. Living is. Eating enough to avoid the doctor's office is.

Ever since I've been that poor, I'll never think the same way again. If I ever get rich someday I'll be a millionaire who drives an old car and lives in a tiny house because I want to give back what I can to families in need.

I guess I'm blessed to have the time, energy (kinda) and resources to maintain my own business as a way of helping us out. I am thankful. Truly. But sometimes it just overwhelms me and embitters my soul watching the ease at which others can afford to do things I can only dream of. I'm not lazy, I work my butt off and so does my husband. It hurts so much that there are some out there that think wealth really comes from hard work.

Anyway, that was a rabbit trail. It will get better. It will. Someday. But right now it's g-damn hard.