Recently, I've found out I have this. Lovely. I've always suffered with depression off and on throughout my life, contributing much of it to the way I was raised and the crap I've been through. Only recently (the past few years) have I realized it's a physical thing for me. Mentally, I just need to be balanced to be really happy. I'm really thankful my doctors are aware I have depression as now that I'm pregnant it has suddenly become much more severe. You can read more about prenatal depression here
Until the past few years, doctors really haven't delved that much into depression during pregnancy. But let me tell you, it's real and quite terrible to those suffering from it. So many moms will tell you it'll pass, that you can only have it after the baby, that baby blues can't start as early as the 1st or 2nd tri- I've quickly found out no pregnancy really sticks to boundaries like this. Every pregnancy is about as different as the baby and the mother combined are different from another baby and mother. I have read a few studies showing prenatal depression to be slightly more prevalent in moms of boys, possibly due to the extra testosterone in the mom's system. All I know is that hormone makes me feel like crap and gives me hot flashes- not to mention added stray hairs on my chin. Oh the glamour of it all.
With all that has gone on with my family in the past month or two, I've been very down but only recently started to develop symptoms of something more. More panic attacks, more sleeplessness, more sleeping IN. Less hunger- MORE hunger- it was just off the chart. It was clear to me my body was going haywire and my usual dose of Celexa was not helping. There was a dark cloud of depression that set in weeks ago and hasn't left yet. It really is exhausting.
I'm glad I was able to bring this up to my doctor at my last visit and get some help. I'm really thankful to be redoing dosage and even counseling NOW- so if and when the actual post-partum hits I'll be prepared and not have to wait 4-6 weeks for the new dose to start working.
The truth is, some new moms just aren't glowing for a reason. Pregnancy is less than glow-y for me. I feel bad for wishing it were over but then I realize- it's been 7 months of puking, cramping, faintness, exhaustion and utter nastiness. It's about time. Hear that baby? Your eviction notice is in the mail. I'm really looking forward to getting the old 'me' back and hopefully having this cloud of hormones and depression lift soon! To actually want to do something with my day other than crawl under the covers and fall asleep in a pile of candy wrappers.
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Friday, March 8, 2013
Mommy Materialism
I thought I was over being exposed to the ridiculous wedding gift-grabbing culture after I tied the knot over a year ago. Surprise surprise though when I realized being pregnant was just another right of passage in the American pursuit of living the dream- pursuit of wealth and happiness.
One has only to briefly look at Pinterest to know women are constantly trying to one-up other women by the social standing as spoken of by their lavish weddings and baby showers. Ultrasound parties. Week-long wedding tributes when no one really gives a crap about you after hearing of your upcoming nuptials for years previously. Prolonged engagements are leading to people getting married later and later in life. Obviously this lifestyle doesn't cater to a woman's biological clock as more and more late-blooming brides are finding out having a baby after age 30 is not all roses and daisies. Now IVF parties are an item. Older brides throwing shameful parties in light of other people dishing out the thousands of dollars it will take for them to get artificially inseminated. Horrors, right? I've seen and heard of so many moms and brides to be doing the outlandish to get funds for their honeymoon to Mexico, IVF, and the like. With all this planning though, very few people realize they are in for a huge letdown after the excitement ends. After the wedding is over and the marriage crumbles because too much time was spent planning the big day and not enough on the relationship. After the baby is born and you realize- no one gives a flying crap what little so-and-so ate today. The stress of all-night feedings and baby blues is enough to take the shine out of any mom's eye. Even the ones who spent months and even years planning the excitement that is supposed to surround a birth.
I feel our culture is hugely materialistic. This generation of parents has an extreme sense of entitlement that our parent's generation did not have- was not able to afford. This generation has many couples and parents striving for the biggest and the best. The one-upping and looking down on others with less than they have.
Now moms ask for 'push presents' presents (often expensive ones like diamonds and the like) simply for giving birth. A kind gesture- but one to be demanded of an already frazzled husband with incoming hospital bills? I don't get it.
Maybe I'm unique. Maybe I just don't give a crap about pomp and circumstance. I went along with what people wanted- what they expected us to do- with our engagement and wedding. The result? A highly disappointing big day and an absolute nightmare of a bridal shower. Now that I'm expecting I'm not going to repeat my mistakes. I'd rather do what I want to do- take the time I need to adjust to the experience of having a newborn in the house. Not to do a sip-and-see- which I feel is horrifying- where people come over to sip wine and pass around a newborn as if it were a cheap package of meat. To have a shower with people I hardly know providing much awkwardness for me and little actual presents that are practical.
To enjoy the simple thing. Like my blog title here, simply ME, things. Stuff is nice- sure. But I've learned it's not nearly as nice as taking the time to really enjoy big changes in life- to really experience them without added fuss and stress. I wish more people would truly celebrate new life this way. It'd make for a whole less headache and a whole more genuine joy from those who really matter. But then again- that's just my 2 cents. :)
One has only to briefly look at Pinterest to know women are constantly trying to one-up other women by the social standing as spoken of by their lavish weddings and baby showers. Ultrasound parties. Week-long wedding tributes when no one really gives a crap about you after hearing of your upcoming nuptials for years previously. Prolonged engagements are leading to people getting married later and later in life. Obviously this lifestyle doesn't cater to a woman's biological clock as more and more late-blooming brides are finding out having a baby after age 30 is not all roses and daisies. Now IVF parties are an item. Older brides throwing shameful parties in light of other people dishing out the thousands of dollars it will take for them to get artificially inseminated. Horrors, right? I've seen and heard of so many moms and brides to be doing the outlandish to get funds for their honeymoon to Mexico, IVF, and the like. With all this planning though, very few people realize they are in for a huge letdown after the excitement ends. After the wedding is over and the marriage crumbles because too much time was spent planning the big day and not enough on the relationship. After the baby is born and you realize- no one gives a flying crap what little so-and-so ate today. The stress of all-night feedings and baby blues is enough to take the shine out of any mom's eye. Even the ones who spent months and even years planning the excitement that is supposed to surround a birth.
I feel our culture is hugely materialistic. This generation of parents has an extreme sense of entitlement that our parent's generation did not have- was not able to afford. This generation has many couples and parents striving for the biggest and the best. The one-upping and looking down on others with less than they have.
Now moms ask for 'push presents' presents (often expensive ones like diamonds and the like) simply for giving birth. A kind gesture- but one to be demanded of an already frazzled husband with incoming hospital bills? I don't get it.
Maybe I'm unique. Maybe I just don't give a crap about pomp and circumstance. I went along with what people wanted- what they expected us to do- with our engagement and wedding. The result? A highly disappointing big day and an absolute nightmare of a bridal shower. Now that I'm expecting I'm not going to repeat my mistakes. I'd rather do what I want to do- take the time I need to adjust to the experience of having a newborn in the house. Not to do a sip-and-see- which I feel is horrifying- where people come over to sip wine and pass around a newborn as if it were a cheap package of meat. To have a shower with people I hardly know providing much awkwardness for me and little actual presents that are practical.
To enjoy the simple thing. Like my blog title here, simply ME, things. Stuff is nice- sure. But I've learned it's not nearly as nice as taking the time to really enjoy big changes in life- to really experience them without added fuss and stress. I wish more people would truly celebrate new life this way. It'd make for a whole less headache and a whole more genuine joy from those who really matter. But then again- that's just my 2 cents. :)
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