Sore Subjects

I recently left a facebook group for moms with kids my son's age. There comes a point where- when you're down- there's no point to surround yourself with things and people and talk that simply hurts you all the more. Nothing's ideal when you're going through something like family separation or depression or anxiety. Being mature in handling that means knowing your limits and knowing when I cut off ties that are toxic- however harmless they might seem to anyone else. You're not anyone else- you're YOU and need to be in tune with what is helpful and what might push you over the edge.

A sore subject for me is more children. I nearly lost my son and my life when I had him- my pregnancy was anything but easy and it was surprisingly difficult and left me with more health issues than I care to mention. Bottom line- I may be getting surgery for these issues when others are trying to get pregnant with kiddo number 2. I want more kids. At least I thought I did. Right now it's looking like LO will be a one and only child. I don't know if I can go through another miscarriage and be ok on the other side- and, my husband and I really don't want to risk my well-being on another risky pregnancy. As far as I know we're done with biological kids.

And so I left the group- it just got too hard to keep up with these few ladies who were totally thoughtless and careless.

Another sore subject for me is the post partum group I attend locally. As I mentioned before, very few moms in that group stay home and if they do it's only because they are on maternity leave. It's hard supporting others and being supported by others who honestly have no idea what daily life is like for someone with one income. I don't know what it's like to have two cars or to be able to afford therapy or a psychiatrist. I feel judged often because I simply don't have the means to afford what these people find comes so easy to them since they have greater health benefits, financial means and family to support them.

Although the group can be helpful and I do like a few ladies who attend, I feel like I'm a world away from what their daily reality happens to be. I think a sore spot for me was being there, totally and loyally for a few of them going through a rough time- only to admit our financial hardship and how bad the past month has been for me at our last meeting- and to look around now and find these same people.....where? I have no idea. They're not there for me.

It's disheartening. My greatest support comes from my husband, from my son's need for me as a mother- and from listening to self-help, encouragement books via audio while I go about my lonely day. And blogging. It's refreshing to have a totally-anonymous site to spill out my thoughts every day. I'm so guarded with anyone and everyone else.

It's hard relating to people who cannot relate to you. It's even harder when your values and beliefs are so drastically different that it's difficult to find friends of kindred mindsets.