I've attempted to write something for this page before since the birth of dear little one- but alas- something undoubtedly pops up and I remain unable to finish the post. Not so today!
Forgive my ramblings as it's been a trying two years- ok- who am I kidding? A trying LIFE. I honestly thought I took a sleeping pill due to my exhaustion a few minutes ago but then realized- nope- it's just me. I'm that tired from a normal 14 hr day with my son lol.
Things I wasn't prepared for-
feeling like utter crap for months. Seriously. It took me a very long time to recover from childbirth and I'm still recovering. My body has gone through hell and back and boy do I feel like a 90 yr old most days.
The post partum depression. Whoopee. Not baby blues but full-on, I-hate-myself depression hitting hard and so bad that I am thoroughly medicated since month one or two after my son was born.
I didn't expect the kind of parent I would be, I had no thoughts on this during pregnancy but now I am surprised with how middle-ground I've been. I stay at home and am a full advocate for a mommy being home with her baby if at all possible. It hasn't been easy but we've managed it so that I am able to do this. It's a sacrifice on so many levels but both DH and I wouldn't have it any other way.
That being said, I am a full, nurturing, loving mama who isn't so completely organic that I have to cloth diaper my kid. I'm a middle ground mom. I am not a lactivist, proponent of baby led- well- anything. I am comfortable making choices and decisions for my son because I am his mother and I feel he needs me to be his mother in this way as he's a vulnerable infant. I certainly don't let him make the choices. But I do everything in love, in caring, in kindness. If you've seen or heard of half the crazy, whole food moms I've run into- my God I'm a horrible mother ;) I parent how my pediatrician approves and really am not that into hippie parenting. I'm into convenience and cleanliness. Whatever works for us is fantastic.
I wasn't prepared for the mommyshaming. Both of myself from absolute bitchy moms and of my own family who continues to throw down insults and harsh remarks. I'm probably not making much sense here, but my point is- it's HARD to develop a life and lifestyle for your family coming from two very dysfunctional homes. God. We both have no idea what normal is.
One thing is clear.
Life as I know it has changed forever.
The future is no longer made up of grand moments and years and huge achievements. My world is seen through the eyes of a drooling, gurgling 7 month old. In moments rather than days. In memories over time spent punching the clock. And in the end the things I thought used to matter to me really don't matter at all. I'm a good mom. A great mom. In spite of all the horrible people who have told me I would be a horrible mother, I've proved them all wrong. And that's good enough for me.
No comments:
Post a Comment