I recently left a facebook group for moms with kids my son's age. There comes a point where- when you're down- there's no point to surround yourself with things and people and talk that simply hurts you all the more. Nothing's ideal when you're going through something like family separation or depression or anxiety. Being mature in handling that means knowing your limits and knowing when I cut off ties that are toxic- however harmless they might seem to anyone else. You're not anyone else- you're YOU and need to be in tune with what is helpful and what might push you over the edge.
A sore subject for me is more children. I nearly lost my son and my life when I had him- my pregnancy was anything but easy and it was surprisingly difficult and left me with more health issues than I care to mention. Bottom line- I may be getting surgery for these issues when others are trying to get pregnant with kiddo number 2. I want more kids. At least I thought I did. Right now it's looking like LO will be a one and only child. I don't know if I can go through another miscarriage and be ok on the other side- and, my husband and I really don't want to risk my well-being on another risky pregnancy. As far as I know we're done with biological kids.
And so I left the group- it just got too hard to keep up with these few ladies who were totally thoughtless and careless.
Another sore subject for me is the post partum group I attend locally. As I mentioned before, very few moms in that group stay home and if they do it's only because they are on maternity leave. It's hard supporting others and being supported by others who honestly have no idea what daily life is like for someone with one income. I don't know what it's like to have two cars or to be able to afford therapy or a psychiatrist. I feel judged often because I simply don't have the means to afford what these people find comes so easy to them since they have greater health benefits, financial means and family to support them.
Although the group can be helpful and I do like a few ladies who attend, I feel like I'm a world away from what their daily reality happens to be. I think a sore spot for me was being there, totally and loyally for a few of them going through a rough time- only to admit our financial hardship and how bad the past month has been for me at our last meeting- and to look around now and find these same people.....where? I have no idea. They're not there for me.
It's disheartening. My greatest support comes from my husband, from my son's need for me as a mother- and from listening to self-help, encouragement books via audio while I go about my lonely day. And blogging. It's refreshing to have a totally-anonymous site to spill out my thoughts every day. I'm so guarded with anyone and everyone else.
It's hard relating to people who cannot relate to you. It's even harder when your values and beliefs are so drastically different that it's difficult to find friends of kindred mindsets.
Friday, January 10, 2014
Thursday, January 9, 2014
"Hearing" your child
Bear with me, another mini rant is going to happen here.
The other night I was told by my well-meaning mom friend, another woman with her child in the care of someone else over 50 hours a week, that baby sign language is a good way of teaching them how to communicate with you so you don't get frustrated with them.
I smiled and nodded but was screaming inside. How sad, too.
Every human being is intrinsically born with a way to communicate. Not all verbal- some physical, some emotional. For a primary, parental caregiver like myself, teaching my 7 month old sign language to talk to me seems a bit like training a dolphin to do tricks and my son is no dolphin!
Now sign language may be beneficial if someone in the family HAS a hearing problem, but I can assure you no one in this person's family does and no one in my family or friend circle does either. There is no other reason for it than to make communication easier on YOU by teaching your child a way of telling you something is wrong because heaven-forbid you're around them long enough to understand their facial expressions and different cries.
Lately, little guy has been showing more of the colorful expressions he's always had from birth. If there was ever a child born into the world as stubborn as could be, it would be my son. He's never had a problem telling us exactly what he likes and doesn't like.
Have we become so out of touch with our own children that we no longer 'hear' them when we hear them?
I don't NEED sign language to tell me when my son is upset or when he's happy.
And I'd love to tell all the part-time parents just that. It's NOT normal to not understand a baby's cry for physical comfort. Maybe our society is wholly plugged-in and tuned-out to the basic needs and desires of the children.
Then again, that's what happens in a world where we de-value the elderly and the young alike.
The other night I was told by my well-meaning mom friend, another woman with her child in the care of someone else over 50 hours a week, that baby sign language is a good way of teaching them how to communicate with you so you don't get frustrated with them.
I smiled and nodded but was screaming inside. How sad, too.
Every human being is intrinsically born with a way to communicate. Not all verbal- some physical, some emotional. For a primary, parental caregiver like myself, teaching my 7 month old sign language to talk to me seems a bit like training a dolphin to do tricks and my son is no dolphin!
Now sign language may be beneficial if someone in the family HAS a hearing problem, but I can assure you no one in this person's family does and no one in my family or friend circle does either. There is no other reason for it than to make communication easier on YOU by teaching your child a way of telling you something is wrong because heaven-forbid you're around them long enough to understand their facial expressions and different cries.
Lately, little guy has been showing more of the colorful expressions he's always had from birth. If there was ever a child born into the world as stubborn as could be, it would be my son. He's never had a problem telling us exactly what he likes and doesn't like.
Have we become so out of touch with our own children that we no longer 'hear' them when we hear them?
I don't NEED sign language to tell me when my son is upset or when he's happy.
And I'd love to tell all the part-time parents just that. It's NOT normal to not understand a baby's cry for physical comfort. Maybe our society is wholly plugged-in and tuned-out to the basic needs and desires of the children.
Then again, that's what happens in a world where we de-value the elderly and the young alike.
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
PPD and Privilege
Post partum depression and privilege- something that's been my every day life for quite a while now. I suffered with extreme pre-natal depression through the end of my pregnancy with my son- now, 7 months after he was born- I still struggle with PPD. It's a beast, all too-common and yet no one really talks about it in mom-circles. It's surprising how many women have had it but are always too afraid to bring it up in polite conversation because it's taboo.
No one wants to talk about what is affecting so many women today- because it's not acceptable for our society to believe motherhood is anything but the bliss the crackhead, crazy mothers out there pretend it to be. It simply isn't all that.
I love motherhood, I love my son, I HATE the depression, anxiety and outrageous hormones that have made the past year a living hell for me. It's been a real struggle with doctors, finding the right medication and making sure I'm self-aware of how I'm doing on a given day so as not to put myself or my son in danger of the crazy.
7 months out, I worry if I'll get better. I know I will, intrinsically- but emotionally it's been so long since I felt okay on a daily basis.
That's where the privilege comes in.
All I am able to do to cope with PPD is to go to a support group and take medication my general doctor prescribes. I've looked into therapy, into seeing a psychiatrist- nothing doing. Recently my anti-anxiety medication went up to $20 a month and now we have to budget for that since we don't even have that per month.
At the support group there are a few stay at home moms, a few people who either know what it's like to be a stay at home mom or are staying home now. It's hard. It throws a whole new curve ball into PPD when you're the sole caretaker for a baby.
It's my experience that PPD is a luxury. It's not made-up, but it IS a luxury in that those who have it but also have greater funds can make it go away faster than those unable to receive mental help. I'm in the latter category. When you can afford a therapist, psychiatrist and the proper medication you can get better faster. So pardon me if I feel a bit hopeless at times. I know I'll get through this but it's hard when many moms who have had it don't understand or have never been where I am right now.
I admit there is bitterness in my heart towards that. Towards people for whom PPD is honestly the worst thing that has ever happened to them. To me it's icing on the crap cake of my life. Just another bump in the road of unfortunate events.
No one wants to talk about what is affecting so many women today- because it's not acceptable for our society to believe motherhood is anything but the bliss the crackhead, crazy mothers out there pretend it to be. It simply isn't all that.
I love motherhood, I love my son, I HATE the depression, anxiety and outrageous hormones that have made the past year a living hell for me. It's been a real struggle with doctors, finding the right medication and making sure I'm self-aware of how I'm doing on a given day so as not to put myself or my son in danger of the crazy.
7 months out, I worry if I'll get better. I know I will, intrinsically- but emotionally it's been so long since I felt okay on a daily basis.
That's where the privilege comes in.
All I am able to do to cope with PPD is to go to a support group and take medication my general doctor prescribes. I've looked into therapy, into seeing a psychiatrist- nothing doing. Recently my anti-anxiety medication went up to $20 a month and now we have to budget for that since we don't even have that per month.
At the support group there are a few stay at home moms, a few people who either know what it's like to be a stay at home mom or are staying home now. It's hard. It throws a whole new curve ball into PPD when you're the sole caretaker for a baby.
It's my experience that PPD is a luxury. It's not made-up, but it IS a luxury in that those who have it but also have greater funds can make it go away faster than those unable to receive mental help. I'm in the latter category. When you can afford a therapist, psychiatrist and the proper medication you can get better faster. So pardon me if I feel a bit hopeless at times. I know I'll get through this but it's hard when many moms who have had it don't understand or have never been where I am right now.
I admit there is bitterness in my heart towards that. Towards people for whom PPD is honestly the worst thing that has ever happened to them. To me it's icing on the crap cake of my life. Just another bump in the road of unfortunate events.
Saturday, January 4, 2014
Disturbing
I'm often taken aback by the attitude of many of the parents I know who have their child in full-time daycare. I know this is or should not be the average parent- but it irks me. And so I blog. ;)
I was astounded recently by a friend who picked up her precious 6 month old from daycare and brushing off the fact that even her daycare providers were concerned on the mom's reaction. Another child had clawed her baby's face leaving noticeable marks. I know this probably happens a lot. Baby nails are lethal weapons, believe you me. But still- I was shocked inwardly by how the mom brushed it off and said it makes her kid look 'tough'. Really? Um ok. It's ok to be relaxed about parenting but just the thought of another child hurting my son makes me cringe. I'd understand if it happened on a playdate- shit happens- but I saw this kid in person and if she were my daughter I'd be livid with the harm doen to her on someone else's watch.
Another point- another mom's reaction to this- while most laughed and thought it 'funny' this one mom took it farther and mentioned that her 2 yr old son was in daycare from day one and often came home with bite marks. And she can laugh about it?!
I don't get it. I just don't. As a mom I can't comprehend what a lot of people perceive as 'normal' things to happen to their babies.
I realize I'm probably overprotective with LO, but there's a time when he'll fall and hurt himself or get into a play-related accident with a friend- and we'll clean him up and hug him and send him on his merry way. He'll be older than he is now. Maybe that's what disturbs me. These aren't kids old enough to talk, to tell their mom or dad what happened. These are babies. Unable to walk, barely sit and unable to fend for themselves. Why is this a laughing matter again? I'm pretty good at reading people's humor and getting jokes- but I assure you, this was no joke. To these parents it was the hilarious misfortune of life that they assumed we as mothers were all familiar with. :/
I realize I'm drastically different from the 'norm' here. I don't work full time, I don't use daycare for LO. In fact, I'm antsy even thinking about leaving him with someone I barely know for hours on end without me nearby. He's my baby- no one can care for him the way I do because no one loves him the way I do. As a former nanny I know this.
EDIT: I was thinking about this more and had to mention- the person with the kid who got their face clawed at?? Yeah- she said she was 'relieved' to have someone else take care of her kid full time. Why? Because she had no idea how to and relied on the workers to make sure her kid is raised well. Um- sorry- but isn't that the parent's job???
NOTE: the future posts may be offensive to some- but that is not my intention. This is simply me- saying what's on my mind and from my point of view and understanding. I know there are parents who use daycare, in other countries it's probably a far cry from the baby-farms we have here. This is my experience. I shudder to think I live in an area and a situation where this is normal, I don't mean to be pretentious. I'm honestly just taken aback by the lack of concern many parents have due to the early (6 weeks or less in some cases) separation from their infant. I do think America's limited maternity leave contributes greatly to many mother's lack of connection to the pain or fear their babies must feel when harm comes to them and she is not around. I feel there is simply no replacement for a (good) mother's love for her child.
I was astounded recently by a friend who picked up her precious 6 month old from daycare and brushing off the fact that even her daycare providers were concerned on the mom's reaction. Another child had clawed her baby's face leaving noticeable marks. I know this probably happens a lot. Baby nails are lethal weapons, believe you me. But still- I was shocked inwardly by how the mom brushed it off and said it makes her kid look 'tough'. Really? Um ok. It's ok to be relaxed about parenting but just the thought of another child hurting my son makes me cringe. I'd understand if it happened on a playdate- shit happens- but I saw this kid in person and if she were my daughter I'd be livid with the harm doen to her on someone else's watch.
Another point- another mom's reaction to this- while most laughed and thought it 'funny' this one mom took it farther and mentioned that her 2 yr old son was in daycare from day one and often came home with bite marks. And she can laugh about it?!
I don't get it. I just don't. As a mom I can't comprehend what a lot of people perceive as 'normal' things to happen to their babies.
I realize I'm probably overprotective with LO, but there's a time when he'll fall and hurt himself or get into a play-related accident with a friend- and we'll clean him up and hug him and send him on his merry way. He'll be older than he is now. Maybe that's what disturbs me. These aren't kids old enough to talk, to tell their mom or dad what happened. These are babies. Unable to walk, barely sit and unable to fend for themselves. Why is this a laughing matter again? I'm pretty good at reading people's humor and getting jokes- but I assure you, this was no joke. To these parents it was the hilarious misfortune of life that they assumed we as mothers were all familiar with. :/
I realize I'm drastically different from the 'norm' here. I don't work full time, I don't use daycare for LO. In fact, I'm antsy even thinking about leaving him with someone I barely know for hours on end without me nearby. He's my baby- no one can care for him the way I do because no one loves him the way I do. As a former nanny I know this.
EDIT: I was thinking about this more and had to mention- the person with the kid who got their face clawed at?? Yeah- she said she was 'relieved' to have someone else take care of her kid full time. Why? Because she had no idea how to and relied on the workers to make sure her kid is raised well. Um- sorry- but isn't that the parent's job???
NOTE: the future posts may be offensive to some- but that is not my intention. This is simply me- saying what's on my mind and from my point of view and understanding. I know there are parents who use daycare, in other countries it's probably a far cry from the baby-farms we have here. This is my experience. I shudder to think I live in an area and a situation where this is normal, I don't mean to be pretentious. I'm honestly just taken aback by the lack of concern many parents have due to the early (6 weeks or less in some cases) separation from their infant. I do think America's limited maternity leave contributes greatly to many mother's lack of connection to the pain or fear their babies must feel when harm comes to them and she is not around. I feel there is simply no replacement for a (good) mother's love for her child.
Sunday, December 29, 2013
If you put a 'just' in front of what I do.... I might slap you.
I hate that. "Just" a mom. Come on. Really?!
I often feel like life's just going on without me, leaving me behind in the dust of baby diapers and drool. I have a degree. I'm talented. I'm a hard worker- but right now I'm 'just' a mom.
Usually there are two reactions to my answer to the question 'what do you do?'
1- Oh, I could never do that. I'd go crazy!
or
2- What do you do all day?
Very rarely I'll hear a third reply that throws me for a loop.
"Awesome. I did that for a few years, best time of my life."
As a stay at home parent you don't expect to hear those words.
I'm a closeted stay at home mom lol. I whisper it to people and keep it hush hush because, really- who wants the drama?
I hate the phrase 'just' a mom. And yet I find myself using it a lot, too. As if being the number one support and caretaker of another human being is some job to be ashamed of. :/ Our society on the whole doesn't value children or mothers. If you look at the news, we aren't on it. In a world where celebrity gossip tops Nobel prize-winners, it's no wonder stay at home parents aren't on the top of anyone's priorities.
We're invisible. The dads who do it all while their wives are away, the moms who take on days at a time when their husbands are on military leave. It's hard. It's thankless. It's not a JOB- if it were, there would be pay.
Being a parent is hard. Period. I'm not saying working parents aren't lovely as well, they are.... but I am saying kudos to the parents who make it work. Who are able to cut down everything to take on one of the toughest responsibilities out there. Shaping the future for little minds and hearts to be better people to come. Nothing 'just' about it.
I often feel like life's just going on without me, leaving me behind in the dust of baby diapers and drool. I have a degree. I'm talented. I'm a hard worker- but right now I'm 'just' a mom.
Usually there are two reactions to my answer to the question 'what do you do?'
1- Oh, I could never do that. I'd go crazy!
or
2- What do you do all day?
Very rarely I'll hear a third reply that throws me for a loop.
"Awesome. I did that for a few years, best time of my life."
As a stay at home parent you don't expect to hear those words.
I'm a closeted stay at home mom lol. I whisper it to people and keep it hush hush because, really- who wants the drama?
I hate the phrase 'just' a mom. And yet I find myself using it a lot, too. As if being the number one support and caretaker of another human being is some job to be ashamed of. :/ Our society on the whole doesn't value children or mothers. If you look at the news, we aren't on it. In a world where celebrity gossip tops Nobel prize-winners, it's no wonder stay at home parents aren't on the top of anyone's priorities.
We're invisible. The dads who do it all while their wives are away, the moms who take on days at a time when their husbands are on military leave. It's hard. It's thankless. It's not a JOB- if it were, there would be pay.
Being a parent is hard. Period. I'm not saying working parents aren't lovely as well, they are.... but I am saying kudos to the parents who make it work. Who are able to cut down everything to take on one of the toughest responsibilities out there. Shaping the future for little minds and hearts to be better people to come. Nothing 'just' about it.
Saturday, December 28, 2013
Thoughts from a semi-delusional mom
I've attempted to write something for this page before since the birth of dear little one- but alas- something undoubtedly pops up and I remain unable to finish the post. Not so today!
Forgive my ramblings as it's been a trying two years- ok- who am I kidding? A trying LIFE. I honestly thought I took a sleeping pill due to my exhaustion a few minutes ago but then realized- nope- it's just me. I'm that tired from a normal 14 hr day with my son lol.
Things I wasn't prepared for-
feeling like utter crap for months. Seriously. It took me a very long time to recover from childbirth and I'm still recovering. My body has gone through hell and back and boy do I feel like a 90 yr old most days.
The post partum depression. Whoopee. Not baby blues but full-on, I-hate-myself depression hitting hard and so bad that I am thoroughly medicated since month one or two after my son was born.
I didn't expect the kind of parent I would be, I had no thoughts on this during pregnancy but now I am surprised with how middle-ground I've been. I stay at home and am a full advocate for a mommy being home with her baby if at all possible. It hasn't been easy but we've managed it so that I am able to do this. It's a sacrifice on so many levels but both DH and I wouldn't have it any other way.
That being said, I am a full, nurturing, loving mama who isn't so completely organic that I have to cloth diaper my kid. I'm a middle ground mom. I am not a lactivist, proponent of baby led- well- anything. I am comfortable making choices and decisions for my son because I am his mother and I feel he needs me to be his mother in this way as he's a vulnerable infant. I certainly don't let him make the choices. But I do everything in love, in caring, in kindness. If you've seen or heard of half the crazy, whole food moms I've run into- my God I'm a horrible mother ;) I parent how my pediatrician approves and really am not that into hippie parenting. I'm into convenience and cleanliness. Whatever works for us is fantastic.
I wasn't prepared for the mommyshaming. Both of myself from absolute bitchy moms and of my own family who continues to throw down insults and harsh remarks. I'm probably not making much sense here, but my point is- it's HARD to develop a life and lifestyle for your family coming from two very dysfunctional homes. God. We both have no idea what normal is.
One thing is clear.
Life as I know it has changed forever.
The future is no longer made up of grand moments and years and huge achievements. My world is seen through the eyes of a drooling, gurgling 7 month old. In moments rather than days. In memories over time spent punching the clock. And in the end the things I thought used to matter to me really don't matter at all. I'm a good mom. A great mom. In spite of all the horrible people who have told me I would be a horrible mother, I've proved them all wrong. And that's good enough for me.
Forgive my ramblings as it's been a trying two years- ok- who am I kidding? A trying LIFE. I honestly thought I took a sleeping pill due to my exhaustion a few minutes ago but then realized- nope- it's just me. I'm that tired from a normal 14 hr day with my son lol.
Things I wasn't prepared for-
feeling like utter crap for months. Seriously. It took me a very long time to recover from childbirth and I'm still recovering. My body has gone through hell and back and boy do I feel like a 90 yr old most days.
The post partum depression. Whoopee. Not baby blues but full-on, I-hate-myself depression hitting hard and so bad that I am thoroughly medicated since month one or two after my son was born.
I didn't expect the kind of parent I would be, I had no thoughts on this during pregnancy but now I am surprised with how middle-ground I've been. I stay at home and am a full advocate for a mommy being home with her baby if at all possible. It hasn't been easy but we've managed it so that I am able to do this. It's a sacrifice on so many levels but both DH and I wouldn't have it any other way.
That being said, I am a full, nurturing, loving mama who isn't so completely organic that I have to cloth diaper my kid. I'm a middle ground mom. I am not a lactivist, proponent of baby led- well- anything. I am comfortable making choices and decisions for my son because I am his mother and I feel he needs me to be his mother in this way as he's a vulnerable infant. I certainly don't let him make the choices. But I do everything in love, in caring, in kindness. If you've seen or heard of half the crazy, whole food moms I've run into- my God I'm a horrible mother ;) I parent how my pediatrician approves and really am not that into hippie parenting. I'm into convenience and cleanliness. Whatever works for us is fantastic.
I wasn't prepared for the mommyshaming. Both of myself from absolute bitchy moms and of my own family who continues to throw down insults and harsh remarks. I'm probably not making much sense here, but my point is- it's HARD to develop a life and lifestyle for your family coming from two very dysfunctional homes. God. We both have no idea what normal is.
One thing is clear.
Life as I know it has changed forever.
The future is no longer made up of grand moments and years and huge achievements. My world is seen through the eyes of a drooling, gurgling 7 month old. In moments rather than days. In memories over time spent punching the clock. And in the end the things I thought used to matter to me really don't matter at all. I'm a good mom. A great mom. In spite of all the horrible people who have told me I would be a horrible mother, I've proved them all wrong. And that's good enough for me.
Monday, May 6, 2013
30-something week update
I'm 33 and a half weeks (nearly) today. I haven't been doing well- at all. I'm definitely feeling the end of pregnancy hitting hard. No energy- crazy outlandish hormones- nausea (great)- edema making it painful to walk- leaking breasts and oh yes- the whole nine yards of not being able to sleep at night.
I've had Braxton Hicks contractions (quite normal) up til last weekend. It's now been over a week since these cramps have changed to hard and heavy contractions- stop and go labor that I've found is known as prodromal labor. Stop and start 'real labor' pain that can be as violent as one minute long contractions every five minutes for an hour- and then it stops. Just when I may be thinking it's time to go into the hospital- it stops. Maddening. These contractions keep me up at night, steal my energy during the day and make it pretty much impossible at times for me to go about my daily life.
My doctor is not concerned. But my mom-sense is flaring up. I was rushed to the hospital a week ago today for what I thought was my water breaking. No one had answers but I did have an infection and was put on antibiotics, given an IV and was told to go home. It's 'normal'. Maybe. But not for most women. The thing with stop and start labor is- yes it's false labor- yes it's slightly different than Braxton Hicks- BUT most doctors don't consider it an issue because the progress it makes to ready your body for birth can be really slow- or really fast depending on how long you've had this pre-labor.
And so- I'm ready to pull my hair out. Kill someone with my bare hands. If I wasn't pregnant I'd be drinking and smoking all day to cope with the pain (oh they don't give you pain meds- didn't I tell you? :P ) Baths don't help. Drinking loads of water doesn't help. Lying down with my feet elevated doesn't help. It really doesn't help.
I'm hoping to have the baby at the end of this month or super early next month (when I officially hit full term at 36/37 weeks). Sometimes I cry out of pure frustration that in some doctor's minds I have the full 6 weeks to go until week 40 or my baby will be born with horrid health problems. (he won't be) I was a preemie and so was my sister (36 and 34 weeks respectively) and we were FINE. this was way back when, too. I can imagine modern medicine is a far cry better than it was in the 80's. No oxygen, nothing. We were absolutely find and able to go home in just the two day period for full term babies.
It's hard when mom-instinct clashes with the cold cut case study doctors you meet. I'm seeing an entire practice so I hope this next appointment is reassuring and maybe provides some answers. Every pregnancy is NOT the same and if I say I'm in extreme pain- well buddy- I probably AM. If this really is normal I pray for a swift delivery as soon as the baby is ready to be born without complications.
I've had Braxton Hicks contractions (quite normal) up til last weekend. It's now been over a week since these cramps have changed to hard and heavy contractions- stop and go labor that I've found is known as prodromal labor. Stop and start 'real labor' pain that can be as violent as one minute long contractions every five minutes for an hour- and then it stops. Just when I may be thinking it's time to go into the hospital- it stops. Maddening. These contractions keep me up at night, steal my energy during the day and make it pretty much impossible at times for me to go about my daily life.
My doctor is not concerned. But my mom-sense is flaring up. I was rushed to the hospital a week ago today for what I thought was my water breaking. No one had answers but I did have an infection and was put on antibiotics, given an IV and was told to go home. It's 'normal'. Maybe. But not for most women. The thing with stop and start labor is- yes it's false labor- yes it's slightly different than Braxton Hicks- BUT most doctors don't consider it an issue because the progress it makes to ready your body for birth can be really slow- or really fast depending on how long you've had this pre-labor.
And so- I'm ready to pull my hair out. Kill someone with my bare hands. If I wasn't pregnant I'd be drinking and smoking all day to cope with the pain (oh they don't give you pain meds- didn't I tell you? :P ) Baths don't help. Drinking loads of water doesn't help. Lying down with my feet elevated doesn't help. It really doesn't help.
I'm hoping to have the baby at the end of this month or super early next month (when I officially hit full term at 36/37 weeks). Sometimes I cry out of pure frustration that in some doctor's minds I have the full 6 weeks to go until week 40 or my baby will be born with horrid health problems. (he won't be) I was a preemie and so was my sister (36 and 34 weeks respectively) and we were FINE. this was way back when, too. I can imagine modern medicine is a far cry better than it was in the 80's. No oxygen, nothing. We were absolutely find and able to go home in just the two day period for full term babies.
It's hard when mom-instinct clashes with the cold cut case study doctors you meet. I'm seeing an entire practice so I hope this next appointment is reassuring and maybe provides some answers. Every pregnancy is NOT the same and if I say I'm in extreme pain- well buddy- I probably AM. If this really is normal I pray for a swift delivery as soon as the baby is ready to be born without complications.
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